my cupid reportoir- couples i am responsible for (GIVE ME MONEY)

i consider this a vitae of sorts...

i am responsible for THIS 1 (molly&lauren): dragged molly out of her drunken BED to come M-O with lauren for hours. still together.






AND THIS

2(nate&emily): asked them while they were shrooming freshman year: "are you guys going out?" they looked at each other. "i mean, are you going out YET? god." they started going out then and there.






AND THIS

3(paulina&rachel): introduced their asses, told them JUST GO OUT WITH EACH OTHER because each were too afraid of ruining the friendship, helped initiate apocalyptic ****some in my living room DONT ASK, WONT TELL.






AND THIS

4(dave+devan=daven): introduced them, ushered everyone out of the A3 hall to let them have a dance alone to alicia keys.




AND THIS

5(matt&rachel): brought both of their asses on a camping trip one summer. miriam and i left the tent so they could M-O. TENTATIVELY ENGAGED BTW, and they're the ones on the right.




AND 6(jesse&gabby), no pic though, sorry: (told them each they liked each other at caz- they started going out the following week for 2-3 YEARS)


so i facilitated/made ALL SIX of these relationships happen and im still single. WHERES MY BIG BREAK / WHATS THE BIG IDEAA